Parting is Such Sweet (??) Sorrow

Sometimes I wonder why life has to be as it is. So many changes. Always changing. But then, I know I get restless and bored when it stays the same too long. But so many uprootings. So much moving on, going forward. Life just doesn't stay the same.

Lord, I feel so torn. I can agree with Jo from Little Women when she questioned why life can't just stay as it. It's comfortable and familiar. You know what's expected of you and allowed. You know your place. You know your friends and they know you. You've found a niche and you fit in.

Sure, I understand all these changes much more readily for the young. But when you get older, almost at retirement age, the security of a settled place sounds awfully good.

It's just not in my nature to come into a new environment and make a place for myself. I don't want to upset anyone's applecart. Make them feel like I'm pushing my way in. Perhaps treading on someone's fought-for position or making myself to appear better or more knowledgeable.

So...I keep trying little doors. If they open, I walk softly inside. And even if I feel like I can do something better than it is being done Lord, I ask for your continued grace to bide my time and see how you will work things out. Even with the limitations of time, distance, and money, you must have had a reason for moving us.

I'm not totally timid and do have ideas. Lord, please continue to use me and not let me waste away holding babies and playing grandma to kids I hardly know. There's more than that.

And the parting...The parting still leaves me to wonder. It was not totally above board. There was not honesty or transparent motives. And that, I fear, will be a little hurt that will be taken to the grave. For what good would it produce to keep speaking of it? It would mar reputations and tarnish friendships even as we might feel, mistakenly or not, that we were venerated.

Happiness is not the main thing. Neither is contentment, though it comes closer. What matters at the end of the day, Lord, is that we have peace knowing that our lives are glorifying you and we are where you want us at this moment.

I miss my friends, I miss the collective worship with them, but I'm not unhappy where we are. Just unsure at this time.

It was good to see Carol (and Bob) Gerlach today. She has such a positive, upbeat attitude that it's like a dose of good medicine. I hadn't seen her for maybe three or more years. When some people see you, they gush only for your benefit. Carol feels so real. I went away from her feeling uplifted even though it was a short interlude.