Parting is Such Sweet (??) Sorrow

Sometimes I wonder why life has to be as it is. So many changes. Always changing. But then, I know I get restless and bored when it stays the same too long. But so many uprootings. So much moving on, going forward. Life just doesn't stay the same.

Lord, I feel so torn. I can agree with Jo from Little Women when she questioned why life can't just stay as it. It's comfortable and familiar. You know what's expected of you and allowed. You know your place. You know your friends and they know you. You've found a niche and you fit in.

Sure, I understand all these changes much more readily for the young. But when you get older, almost at retirement age, the security of a settled place sounds awfully good.

It's just not in my nature to come into a new environment and make a place for myself. I don't want to upset anyone's applecart. Make them feel like I'm pushing my way in. Perhaps treading on someone's fought-for position or making myself to appear better or more knowledgeable.

So...I keep trying little doors. If they open, I walk softly inside. And even if I feel like I can do something better than it is being done Lord, I ask for your continued grace to bide my time and see how you will work things out. Even with the limitations of time, distance, and money, you must have had a reason for moving us.

I'm not totally timid and do have ideas. Lord, please continue to use me and not let me waste away holding babies and playing grandma to kids I hardly know. There's more than that.

And the parting...The parting still leaves me to wonder. It was not totally above board. There was not honesty or transparent motives. And that, I fear, will be a little hurt that will be taken to the grave. For what good would it produce to keep speaking of it? It would mar reputations and tarnish friendships even as we might feel, mistakenly or not, that we were venerated.

Happiness is not the main thing. Neither is contentment, though it comes closer. What matters at the end of the day, Lord, is that we have peace knowing that our lives are glorifying you and we are where you want us at this moment.

I miss my friends, I miss the collective worship with them, but I'm not unhappy where we are. Just unsure at this time.

It was good to see Carol (and Bob) Gerlach today. She has such a positive, upbeat attitude that it's like a dose of good medicine. I hadn't seen her for maybe three or more years. When some people see you, they gush only for your benefit. Carol feels so real. I went away from her feeling uplifted even though it was a short interlude.

So Much to Write, So Little Time

With the grandkids here all week I certainly was short of time; consequently, I was not able to write down my thoughts. I'm operating under the belief that my thoughts are worth remembering.

Sometimes I feel downright inspired, maybe even anointed. And think, "Wow! I've got to get that down." Sometimes such things can be developed into a talk that can be used to edify, teach, or encourage. It is my hope that such will be the case.

But, back to the week with the grandkids...I did enjoy having them and was planning to keep them for a full week, from Sunday to Sunday. But by the time Thursday night rolled around, I was too stressed to keep them past Friday.

I think part, if not most, of the stress factor is of my own doing because I don't have our third bedroom fixed up to be usable. The sleeping arrangements and lack of a good night's sleep play a big part in the stress package. They are such sweet kids though and I love them through and through. I'm truly thankful for the time I have with them.

They love the song "Seven little girls setting in the back seat..." Got to remember some more entertaining songs they would enjoy.

Today

Evening is drawing nigh now and it has been a full day. Got up early this morning (wish I could have slept in...it was Saturday after all) and took Miya for her walk. Then played fetch with her in the backyard. Put her away right after that and left to go help at the rummage sale at church. Was able to help Christie with a sign, but after that I was no help at all. Ended up leaving about 1pm and met Mike at Abundant Life Church to drop in on their annual church picnic.

The picnic was scaled down a lot from previous years, but still nice and well attended. There was no pig roast but plenty of brats and hot dogs as well as roasted corn-on-the-cob. It was nice to see people, but it wasn't like we had been gone for a long while, even so, I felt like many greetings were perfunctory from both sides.

Though we had two vehicles, we stopped on the way back at Golden Lake to give Miya some play time. How she does love the water!

At our rummage sale, I bought an old Victoria Holt book called "The Secret Woman". I used to like to read Victoria Holt. So, now I'm ready to kick off my shoes, put up my feet and relax with that book. Later it will be wash hair and bake bars for tomorrow time.

Thank you, Lord, for your mercy and grace today.

On Entering the Sixties

Yesterday I entered the 60's. It was my birthday. Last birthday I reached 60, and this one I entered that decade having turned 61. Sixty-one! Sixty-one!! It sounds so old, yet I feel so much younger. A good 15 years, maybe 20. Most of the time. Sometimes I seemed to be plagued by arthritis and feel my age then. But I never thought 61 would look like this. I remember my mother (aunt) being 61 and she seemed so much older than me at this age.

Well, it seemed like a good time for reflecting on my life over the past decades. And reflect I did! I've been reflecting all week, both positive and negative. But I must say, perhaps surprisingly, mostly positive. I guess mostly I wish I would have accomplished more, but it seems most people feel that way.

Today I had lunch with Sandi Jones. Sandi and I share the same birthday though I am a few years older. We ate at Amalia's in Oconomowoc. It's labeled as a family restaurant, but I think it's mostly a chic joint. A middle-aged and up chic joint. Mary and I like to eat there. Joan and I used to eat there also when it was Mug and Muffin.

It was nice to get to know Sandi better. I admire her because she is an assertive, take-charge person, but doesn't seem to be pushy. At least, I haven't found her so. But she's also a lovely Christian lady who speaks softly and quietly. A good person to emulate.

When all is said and done at the end of the day, I feel a lot like a country western song that was popular years ago. It said "...I've seen sites and life's been somethin'." In other words, I feel that if God called me home tonight, I could leave without regrets. I've lived a full life and life's been somethin'!

The Challenge for Today

Is what to do. I've already taken Miya for her morning walk. Did devotions and Bible reading. Still need to water outdoor plants. I seem to be in some sort of limbo waiting for school to start. Also waiting for Christie and our grandkids to return from Texas. Hoping I will get to keep them for a week before they need to return to school.

Yesterday I found lots of doggie treat recipes on the internet. I tried one which said it would yield about 4 dozen. Mine turned out more than 6 dozen. And she really likes them. I'm so glad, cause what would I do with 6 dozen crispy critters?

Today's Walk

I've been walking on the east side of town the past few mornings. There are so many interesting houses and yards over there. And it is much more hilly, thus a better workout. I love looking at the beautiful flowers and how differently people use them in their yards.

Yesterday I discovered a little house that I had never seen before. Right on the corner. The house was interesting, but the yard was downright enchanting. I'm going to have to remember to take my digital camera and get a picture tomorrow.

Today I wanted to go the same route and get another look at that place. But before getting there, we passed a house that had two large German Shepherds barking in the yard. They were behind a fence, but they were beating against it. They soon broke through and came charging at us. When something like this happens, my immediate reaction is to freeze in my tracks which I did. I was afraid they would attack Miya or she would go into some kind of panic mode. I appeared as calm as possible and spoke with an even voice to Miya. At first they just seemed to want to smell her. But then they became a little more aggressive and she began to jump and pull her leash. I was afraid this could quickly escalate into something bad.

Not paying attention to the other dogs, I continued to speak evenly to Miya and pulled her away. Thank God, the dogs seemed not to be so interested in her after all. They seemed to want to take advantage of their freedom and ran to check out some yards of neighbors. I was none too glad and made my way in the opposite direction. I could hear the owner (who finally discovered their absence) calling for them, but I didn't stick around to see what happened.

Vagabonds or Pilgrims and Strangers

I've been thinking about all the places I've lived. To begin with in Salinas alone there were dozens of places. Many times since I have grown into adulthood, I have wondered why our family moved so much. Always rented. Sometimes just next door, a time or two only down the street. Was my family looking for a better place? What would "better" mean to them? Did they get behind on the rent and feel they needed to move on?

I've traced those places many times in my mind and feel like I could still find most all of them. I have memories from each one. And of course, many of them meant changing schools, new teachers, new friends, etc. Most were welcomed, some not so much.

And since I've married we've lived in many places. Four different states, three different countries. Two different continents and I don't know how many different counties. And, of course, I have a myriad of memories stored from each of these places. Oh the places I have been, the people I have met, and the things I have done! Eat your heart out, Dr. Seuss!

The Bible says we are pilgrims and strangers on this earth. And for us, that has been so true even in a literal sense. I hope and pray that none of it has been in vain. I pray that everywhere we have been we have touched and changed lives for the better. I know my life was changed a little with each move, with each new person. With the unexpected friends I met in such unexpected places.

Wherever I have lived, wherever we have been, whatever I have done, this has always been the constant; You are the same yesterday, today, and forever. Thank you, Lord. You are the rock I can lean on. I trust you. You know me and yet you love me. Thank you, Lord.