Parting is Such Sweet (??) Sorrow

Sometimes I wonder why life has to be as it is. So many changes. Always changing. But then, I know I get restless and bored when it stays the same too long. But so many uprootings. So much moving on, going forward. Life just doesn't stay the same.

Lord, I feel so torn. I can agree with Jo from Little Women when she questioned why life can't just stay as it. It's comfortable and familiar. You know what's expected of you and allowed. You know your place. You know your friends and they know you. You've found a niche and you fit in.

Sure, I understand all these changes much more readily for the young. But when you get older, almost at retirement age, the security of a settled place sounds awfully good.

It's just not in my nature to come into a new environment and make a place for myself. I don't want to upset anyone's applecart. Make them feel like I'm pushing my way in. Perhaps treading on someone's fought-for position or making myself to appear better or more knowledgeable.

So...I keep trying little doors. If they open, I walk softly inside. And even if I feel like I can do something better than it is being done Lord, I ask for your continued grace to bide my time and see how you will work things out. Even with the limitations of time, distance, and money, you must have had a reason for moving us.

I'm not totally timid and do have ideas. Lord, please continue to use me and not let me waste away holding babies and playing grandma to kids I hardly know. There's more than that.

And the parting...The parting still leaves me to wonder. It was not totally above board. There was not honesty or transparent motives. And that, I fear, will be a little hurt that will be taken to the grave. For what good would it produce to keep speaking of it? It would mar reputations and tarnish friendships even as we might feel, mistakenly or not, that we were venerated.

Happiness is not the main thing. Neither is contentment, though it comes closer. What matters at the end of the day, Lord, is that we have peace knowing that our lives are glorifying you and we are where you want us at this moment.

I miss my friends, I miss the collective worship with them, but I'm not unhappy where we are. Just unsure at this time.

It was good to see Carol (and Bob) Gerlach today. She has such a positive, upbeat attitude that it's like a dose of good medicine. I hadn't seen her for maybe three or more years. When some people see you, they gush only for your benefit. Carol feels so real. I went away from her feeling uplifted even though it was a short interlude.

So Much to Write, So Little Time

With the grandkids here all week I certainly was short of time; consequently, I was not able to write down my thoughts. I'm operating under the belief that my thoughts are worth remembering.

Sometimes I feel downright inspired, maybe even anointed. And think, "Wow! I've got to get that down." Sometimes such things can be developed into a talk that can be used to edify, teach, or encourage. It is my hope that such will be the case.

But, back to the week with the grandkids...I did enjoy having them and was planning to keep them for a full week, from Sunday to Sunday. But by the time Thursday night rolled around, I was too stressed to keep them past Friday.

I think part, if not most, of the stress factor is of my own doing because I don't have our third bedroom fixed up to be usable. The sleeping arrangements and lack of a good night's sleep play a big part in the stress package. They are such sweet kids though and I love them through and through. I'm truly thankful for the time I have with them.

They love the song "Seven little girls setting in the back seat..." Got to remember some more entertaining songs they would enjoy.

Today

Evening is drawing nigh now and it has been a full day. Got up early this morning (wish I could have slept in...it was Saturday after all) and took Miya for her walk. Then played fetch with her in the backyard. Put her away right after that and left to go help at the rummage sale at church. Was able to help Christie with a sign, but after that I was no help at all. Ended up leaving about 1pm and met Mike at Abundant Life Church to drop in on their annual church picnic.

The picnic was scaled down a lot from previous years, but still nice and well attended. There was no pig roast but plenty of brats and hot dogs as well as roasted corn-on-the-cob. It was nice to see people, but it wasn't like we had been gone for a long while, even so, I felt like many greetings were perfunctory from both sides.

Though we had two vehicles, we stopped on the way back at Golden Lake to give Miya some play time. How she does love the water!

At our rummage sale, I bought an old Victoria Holt book called "The Secret Woman". I used to like to read Victoria Holt. So, now I'm ready to kick off my shoes, put up my feet and relax with that book. Later it will be wash hair and bake bars for tomorrow time.

Thank you, Lord, for your mercy and grace today.

On Entering the Sixties

Yesterday I entered the 60's. It was my birthday. Last birthday I reached 60, and this one I entered that decade having turned 61. Sixty-one! Sixty-one!! It sounds so old, yet I feel so much younger. A good 15 years, maybe 20. Most of the time. Sometimes I seemed to be plagued by arthritis and feel my age then. But I never thought 61 would look like this. I remember my mother (aunt) being 61 and she seemed so much older than me at this age.

Well, it seemed like a good time for reflecting on my life over the past decades. And reflect I did! I've been reflecting all week, both positive and negative. But I must say, perhaps surprisingly, mostly positive. I guess mostly I wish I would have accomplished more, but it seems most people feel that way.

Today I had lunch with Sandi Jones. Sandi and I share the same birthday though I am a few years older. We ate at Amalia's in Oconomowoc. It's labeled as a family restaurant, but I think it's mostly a chic joint. A middle-aged and up chic joint. Mary and I like to eat there. Joan and I used to eat there also when it was Mug and Muffin.

It was nice to get to know Sandi better. I admire her because she is an assertive, take-charge person, but doesn't seem to be pushy. At least, I haven't found her so. But she's also a lovely Christian lady who speaks softly and quietly. A good person to emulate.

When all is said and done at the end of the day, I feel a lot like a country western song that was popular years ago. It said "...I've seen sites and life's been somethin'." In other words, I feel that if God called me home tonight, I could leave without regrets. I've lived a full life and life's been somethin'!

The Challenge for Today

Is what to do. I've already taken Miya for her morning walk. Did devotions and Bible reading. Still need to water outdoor plants. I seem to be in some sort of limbo waiting for school to start. Also waiting for Christie and our grandkids to return from Texas. Hoping I will get to keep them for a week before they need to return to school.

Yesterday I found lots of doggie treat recipes on the internet. I tried one which said it would yield about 4 dozen. Mine turned out more than 6 dozen. And she really likes them. I'm so glad, cause what would I do with 6 dozen crispy critters?

Today's Walk

I've been walking on the east side of town the past few mornings. There are so many interesting houses and yards over there. And it is much more hilly, thus a better workout. I love looking at the beautiful flowers and how differently people use them in their yards.

Yesterday I discovered a little house that I had never seen before. Right on the corner. The house was interesting, but the yard was downright enchanting. I'm going to have to remember to take my digital camera and get a picture tomorrow.

Today I wanted to go the same route and get another look at that place. But before getting there, we passed a house that had two large German Shepherds barking in the yard. They were behind a fence, but they were beating against it. They soon broke through and came charging at us. When something like this happens, my immediate reaction is to freeze in my tracks which I did. I was afraid they would attack Miya or she would go into some kind of panic mode. I appeared as calm as possible and spoke with an even voice to Miya. At first they just seemed to want to smell her. But then they became a little more aggressive and she began to jump and pull her leash. I was afraid this could quickly escalate into something bad.

Not paying attention to the other dogs, I continued to speak evenly to Miya and pulled her away. Thank God, the dogs seemed not to be so interested in her after all. They seemed to want to take advantage of their freedom and ran to check out some yards of neighbors. I was none too glad and made my way in the opposite direction. I could hear the owner (who finally discovered their absence) calling for them, but I didn't stick around to see what happened.

Vagabonds or Pilgrims and Strangers

I've been thinking about all the places I've lived. To begin with in Salinas alone there were dozens of places. Many times since I have grown into adulthood, I have wondered why our family moved so much. Always rented. Sometimes just next door, a time or two only down the street. Was my family looking for a better place? What would "better" mean to them? Did they get behind on the rent and feel they needed to move on?

I've traced those places many times in my mind and feel like I could still find most all of them. I have memories from each one. And of course, many of them meant changing schools, new teachers, new friends, etc. Most were welcomed, some not so much.

And since I've married we've lived in many places. Four different states, three different countries. Two different continents and I don't know how many different counties. And, of course, I have a myriad of memories stored from each of these places. Oh the places I have been, the people I have met, and the things I have done! Eat your heart out, Dr. Seuss!

The Bible says we are pilgrims and strangers on this earth. And for us, that has been so true even in a literal sense. I hope and pray that none of it has been in vain. I pray that everywhere we have been we have touched and changed lives for the better. I know my life was changed a little with each move, with each new person. With the unexpected friends I met in such unexpected places.

Wherever I have lived, wherever we have been, whatever I have done, this has always been the constant; You are the same yesterday, today, and forever. Thank you, Lord. You are the rock I can lean on. I trust you. You know me and yet you love me. Thank you, Lord.

How Life Turns Out (An Ordinary Miracle)

Today is Mark's birthday. Thirty-three years old! Wow, Mark, now you are the age Jesus was when He was crucified. It puts it into perspective, doesn't it? He was just a young man.

I confess that I hoped you were a girl when I first learned that we were expecting you. But you never made me sorry after you were born. You brought so much joy into our lives. It was difficult to keep a straight face when punishment became necessary because even then you would make me laugh.

I used to think you and your brother hated each other. You fought so much. You DID have a way of getting under his skin. He was so serious and studious and you were anything but. Your dad always tried to assure me that you guys were just being boys. But now you guys seem to be such great friends! To me, it's wonderious.

The greatest thing of all is what God has made of your life. You married such a fine young woman. Given us three beautiful grandchildren. And you've turned out to be such a caring, loving person. A pastor who truly has a pastor's heart.

We are so proud of you, Son. Happy birthday.

I'm Feeling Nostalgic Today

Remembering when the boys were little. So cute. So sweet. So full of mischief and frustrating at times. Michael, ever the inquisitive one; asking me questions I couldn't begin to answer...where DID he come up with such questions? Mark talking so much we would have to ask him sometimes to stop talking. But making us laugh so much.

Michael, you scared the life out of me when you went missing at 2 and a 1/2. I was okay knowing we would surely find you until I remembered the pond and the water moccasins. What great relief when we found you in someone's back yard. You had followed our outside dog and was out of ear reach.

And Mark you were so funny to watch in that cast after you broke your leg. You were only about five (about the age your own son is now). You would rather set on your rear and scoot along the floor with your leg extended out in front of you than to use the crutches. You wore through two or three casts doing that.

Those are just memories now. But I will carry them, along with the mental pictures they produce, with me for as long as this brain can think.

Our house is so quiet now. No little boys to have to get up early in the morning and get ready for school. No hearing "Mom, I'm hungry, what's to eat?"

The silence is almost deafening now. I miss you so much.

Of course, I get to see you every week now. The grown-up you. Oh, I'm glad that the two of you have grown up strong and healthy. And I'm so proud of you both. But sometimes I can't help but miss those two little boys I loved so much.

Today's Thoughts

Last night I had a good night's rest. Almost bordering on great. The weather was right. Didn't need the air conditioning. All the windows were opened and a nice breeze was stirring. The sheets were taut. I took a shower just before retiring and was therefore harboring no perspiration from the day's heat and humidity. I love it when I sleep well. Unfortunately, that isn't very often.

It is quickly approaching the middle of August. I'm thinking what needs to be done in my flower beds for the winter. I'm looking forward to having some beautiful spring flowers.

Also, school will soon be starting. I'm looking forward to getting back to work, earning some money, and getting in that routine.

Mediocre Blogs

I was browsing the net when I came across the statement that some person (important or not) wrote about the blog world being over populated. Well, what is that supposed to mean? If we don't produce interesting blogs (according to who?), we are just taking up space? I mean, is cyberspace in danger of being overcrowded? Will it all come tumbling down on us? Will meaningless words sneak up on us and choke us during the night?

Oh, please! Maybe we just want to leave something, some mark somewhere proving that we existed with thoughts and feelings that just might be relevant for someone. Somewhere, anywhere, in the world, someone might be browsing and somehow run across my humble little blog and just maybe something I wrote might strike a chord with him or her. Might even somehow help him in some way.

Or maybe one of my grand kids (or could it miraculously be one of our sons) might actually want to read what I have written to better understand me, or to remember what I was like. Or to see how I felt about something. Quite honestly, this is my hope.

So am I contributing to the overcrowding of the blog world? Maybe. But maybe I'm actually leaving a trail behind that someone may say "I'm glad she was there." But if they never do, okay. I'll write because it makes me feel good.

I Love My E-Sword!

One of the reasons it's so neat is that each day it pops up a thought-provoking devotion. And all Scripture references can be simply moused over to see the entire text. The Scripture references are given from the Basic English Translation. It's cool.

Today's reading about how the children of Israel (except Joshua and Caleb) were not able to enter the Promised Land after wandering in the desert for 40 years had some good thoughts, somehow fresh to me.

I think my blog site could just have well been titled "Life With Miya" since there seems to be a lot about her in here. Today it was a bit amusing to see her while I was vacuuming. She seemed much less threatened than many dogs would be, but still she was wary and barked a few times and kept backing up with her rump in the air and her head dragging the ground. LOL, funny!

Fog was in the atmosphere this morning. And the rain has beaten some leaves off the trees. Speaks of Fall to me. The look and feel. Well part of the feel. It is still humid and warm. But I am so looking forward to fall. The beautiful colors, enticing, homey smells, back to work, back to school, cooler weather. Oh joy!

Monday Morning

A cooling rain came though it did not come gently. Explosive thunder and lightning accompanied the downpour. Our walk was delayed this morning, but Miya showed no fear of the loud sounds and waited somewhat patiently for whatever we could do. We played catch/fetch until the mosquitoes drove us back in. I showered, ate a small bite, then we headed out for the walk. Though the sky looked a bit ominous, we stayed dry for the duration.

Thank you Lord for the morning rain. I didn't have to water and it cooled things down enough that I could turn off the air conditioner.

I really need and want to do some sorting, tossing and organizing. I am so very remiss in this area. I love things to be clean, neat and organized but can't seem to get the motivation to get it done. Lord, please help me. I'm so thankful for the house you gave us and I want it to be a place where we can confidently invite friends and have sweet fellowships.

I'm also curious and just a tad bit anxious to see how ministering is going to go in our "new" church. I know you have a plan, Lord. Help me not to mess it up with fretting or doubting. You make all things beautiful in your time. And as the devotion that I read this morning stated, our faith is able to access your grace. And you call things that do not exist as though they did. That is really something to think on!

Lord, be my guide through this day. Go with me and stay with me at all times. Protect those I love. Help them in their jobs and tasks as they go about their day. Be with all those that are hurting or suffering in some way. I'm sorry for any complaining I may be guilty of. Help me to trust you. Help Mike and I both to trust you to provide for our finances.

You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone
-Phillips, Craig & Dean

The Lord's Day

It used to be somewhat of a tradition that I would prepare a nice breakfast on Sunday morning. It seemed a good time to do so; all (now only my husband and I) of us heading in the same direction at the same time, the only time out of the week it happened so except mid-week Bible Study. But in recent years I've gotten somewhat away from that.

This morning I fixed a nice breakfast and we set our dining room table to enjoy the scrambled eggs, crisp bacon, and English muffins. I always enjoy setting and eating with Mike. It's a time to chat though always too short for me.

Going to our son's church is nice in more ways than one. The long rural route is conducive to conversation and even relaxation. And of course being with him and Christie and our grandkids is precious and I treasure the time. Though Christie and the kids are in Texas right now to be with her Dad who just had surgery, it was really good.

Bro. & Sis. Putnam was there and he spoke on prayer. His main theme was that the violent take it by force. Good food for thought and I plan to ruminate on it for awhile.

There was a leadership meeting afterward so we were late getting home. Took a nap, watched National Treasure 2 with Mike and am now updating this blog. Then it will be time for bed.

Good day. Thank you, Lord.

Saturday Morning Musings

Here it is the weekend and we have no plans. Mike has gone fishing and I'm setting here after breakfast wondering what I should do next. Probably take Miya for a walk, but that's not high on my priority list right now. Need to shower, wash my hair and do some housework. None of that sounds like much fun.

I'm wondering why I had the dream that I had last night. Another one of those separation dreams. The kinds where our family is separated and I'm being held by some kind of terrorist group. An end-of-the-world type thing. Persecution. Despair. What is going on in my head? Whatever it is, I know that God gives peace in the midst of turmoil. Troubled times? They may come, but God is always on His throne and has a plan. Though it may not be readily visible, He makes all things beautiful in His time.

I believe I will start a separate, private blog which will be a dream journal. It would be interesting to see if there is some kind of pattern.

Hot & Steamy

Sound like the description of a cheap romance novel? Nah, just our weather here in southeastern Wisconsin for the last many days.

Today was not a good walking day. Started out, I couldn't find my sunglasses though I looked in all the usual places and then some. Ugh...so with Miya in tow we were off without them. Now, I've been nursing a blister for a few days but thought it would be okay with the giant bandage I put on it. We hadn't gotten quite halfway when it began to sting and burn. Owwwwuch! Funny how such a little thing can almost bring you down when I've endured a whole lot more. Found a place to stop and readjust the bandage, sock and tighten the shoe. Back off, but purposed to go a shorter distance. Just as well I guess because it is way hot and humid and I somehow don't have the heart for a long walk today.

A few weeks ago we had some pretty bad flooding in our town. The Rock River runs through Jefferson and swelled more than six feet to overflow its banks and do quite a bit of damage. Our area was finally considered a disaster area and FEMA came in to help people. When we go on these walks it breaks my heart to see what people have lost. There are homes that may never sell because of all the damage, mold, and future potential damage. People worked so hard and pulled together to help one another.

I'm still wondering though, what did they do with all those sandbags?

Banana Crumble Muffins & Tanning

After the usual doggie walk, I made these oh-so-yummy, melt-in-your-mouth muffins. I love the allrecipes.com site because it's so easy to use and you can store your favorite recipes there. I really like to read the reviews given on the recipes to see how they could be changed up or made healthier.

Well, I doubled the recipe and added mini-chocolate chips to half of them. Yum! Good idea! Miya seemed to be really enticed by the smell, though wicked me, I did not share. But she is only a dog after all. I did, however, package up some of them and headed out to Tan-a-Latte and shared them with the staff there. The owner and her husband live down the street from us. He's chief-of-police here in town. So, I think it was good PR all the way around. : )

And I'm setting here now using their wi-fi. I am somewhat befuddled by what seems to be a contradiction in actions. Women want to stay young as long as possible. Keep the wrinkles at bay. From all I read and understand, staying out of the sun and away from the tanning booths helps accomplish that goal. But they also want the tan, the bronzed, fun-in-the-sun look. I've seen teen aged girls with wrinkled foreheads from too much tanning. That's not for me. I don't even like just lying out in the sun.

How things have changed! According to history, back in Victorian days, it was considered beautiful to be a little plump and to have nice fair skin. Women would rub lemons on their skin to keep it light. Catherine the Great was considered to be one of the most beautiful women of her time. She was quite plump and, judging from paintings of Her Royal Highness, very fair skinned.

I cast my lot with those fair and protected ladies of Queen Victoria's day. No, I don't want to be plump for goodness sake, but I would rather be fair than tanned. To each his own I guess. Beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder.

A New Day

Took Miya out for a long walk this morning. A different route and I'm pretty sure it was more than three miles. Good for me, I know...but whoa! The sweat! I hate it running down my back. And the heat, along with my sweat, fogs up my sun glasses. Oh well, I know Miya needs it too although it is not nearly the workout for her as it is for me. She enjoys the sniffing and the occasional dog we meet up with, but she would rather be fetching her ball or going for a swim in the lake. For a dog, I think she has a pretty good life.

My Hydrangea Bush

My First Blog Ever!

I'm setting at the Tan-a-Latte since our internet is down at home. Thinking about my flower garden. My husband bought me a hydrangea bush last year. I have never grown them before. I planted them in the ground in late summer and when they died (sometime in the fall) I cut them almost down to the ground. Well, because they are the "mophead" variety, I shouldn't have done that (I didn't know--just learning).

Come Spring, I didn't know if anything would happen with them. But, sure enough, some ever so tiny little leaves started to appear. Then they got bigger and more appeared. As the season has progressed, it has turned into a beautiful bush, albeit, sans flowers. Because, of course, I should not have pruned it. I have since learned that the blossoms grow off the old wood. Thanks to lots of internet research, I also now know how to prepare the bush for our long, cold, Wisconsin winter.

I'm SO excited now! I know I will have many lovely blue and purple-pink blossoms gracing my front porch for years to come. I've learned how to dry them too and am anticipating creating some lovely wreaths for myself and family and friends.